“Suzy, what a marvelous cart- wheel! You’re a natural gymnast.”

“All As and Bs! I’m not surprised because you’re smart.”

Don’t these sound like supportive, nurturing comments from a wonderful grandparent?

Maybe but maybe not, according to Stanford University Psychology Professor Carol Dweck. Instead of building a foundation of self-esteem that can boost children to even greater accomplishments, decades of research found that comments like these may be setting them up for failure when academic and other challenges become tougher.

Dweck’s book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” explains in detail. Here’s the short version.

Telling Suzy she is a natural gym- nast implies that to be marvelous, she need not work hard or practice. If she has to do either, she lacks talent. If this were true, then Michael Jordan would have never made

it in college sports or grown as a player to become an NBA superstar. Jordan was cut from his high school team. Instead of quitting basketball, he worked harder to improve his game.

The same is true in academics. When students perceive intelligence as a fixed asset (think IQ score), they are more likely to steer away from harder subjects like higher-level science and math. “If I were smart enough, I’d get this right away.”

Children, who have what Dweck calls growth mindsets, believe if they keep trying, eventually they will be successful. While this is not true in every case, persistence can beat out natural talent.

How can grandparents encourage growth mindsets when children are successful? Let’s tweak the statements that began this article.

“Suzy, what a marvelous cartwheel. I can tell you practice. There’s no telling what you’ll be doing with more training.”

“All As and Bs! I’m not surprised because I know you work hard in class and read books at home to learn new things.”

Praising qualities that children can control, like effort or not backing down after failure, will help them when things don’t come easily. They’re less likely to be over- whelmed by a setback. And every- one who sets challenging goals will encounter obstacles and setbacks.

Can adults address a child’s failure in a positive way? Absolutely! When Thomas Edison experienced over 900 “failures” in his pursuit of a long-lasting light bulb he quipped, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” His electric pen never found wide- spread use but the technology behind it led to the invention of the mimeograph machine, an office staple until copiers became standard.

Think you’ve got it? Take a short quiz.

Your grandson didn’t make the high school basketball team. Which would help develop a growth mindset and succeed later?

1. What an unlucky break.
2. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school team. Let’s read together about what he did after that. Maybe that will help you next time.
3. That coach is a jerk!
4. You just aren’t tall enough. Maybe you should try out for soccer.