You’re probably tired of hearing about gratitude and how we should all take a moment to be thankful for our health, family and good fortune. But if you’re like me and you refuse to become a bitter old lady, I can’t think of a better antidote for this malaise than gratitude. Someone wrote that gratitude is like yeast because it raises good in our life. I’m a fan of this philosophy, so every day I compile a list of things I’m grateful for. I’ve found it to be a potent potion for finding solutions to situations that really hurt or upset me.

For example, I recently signed up for a six-week class that showed you how to knit a sweater. I’ve knitted for several years now, mainly socks and scarves, and a sweater seemed like the next logical thing to try. I also knew some of the ladies who were taking the class, and I was excited to get to know them better while we took on this challenge together.

Five weeks into the class, I was still knitting the bottom of the sweater while the other ladies were about two-thirds of the way finished. When I signed up, I didn’t realize the cost of materials would be $100 on top of the $100 fee for the class. I’ve never owned a $200 sweater!

I was red with anger and frustration. I blamed the instructor. I was mad at my friend who recommended the class. I was mad at myself for feeling inadequate, and I was upset that I spent so much money.

Why should I be grateful for this experience?

Despite my anger, I made a strong effort to list everything I liked about my sweater experience: the beautiful red yarn, being with my friends every week, and admiring our young instructor for her knowledge and patience. I eventually calmed down.

Then it occurred to me that I could get help with the sweater at the shop where I was taking the class. If it weren’t for this realization, I would’ve never gotten to know the young tattooed woman who works there and has kindly and patiently helped me many times.

Creating this gratitude list also helped me realize that when I’m frustrated, I often resort to blame and judgment, neither of which has ever helped me solve problems and usually results in alienating people.

Making a gratitude list also helped me with the decision not to host Thanksgiving this year—or any year for that matter.

You see, I’ve had it in my head since I was a little girl that when I was a grandma, I would cook the most fabulous Thanksgiving dinner for my family, who would sit around my large dining room table in my large bungalow and rave about my cooking, visiting joyfully and being ever so grateful for one another. The grandchildren would have perfect table manners and we’d all have a wonderful time together.

That dream leads me to the pity pot every year.

Two years ago, my family came to my little cottage for Thanksgiving. The adults gathered around my small dining room table while the four grandchildren sat at an even smaller table in the kitchen. I heard more complaints than compliments about my food, and my large son-in-law almost took out a piece of furniture when he scooted his chair back. I was grateful that I wasn’t eating in the kitchen because of how perturbed I was at my grandkids, who were all old enough to know how to use silverware, but chose to eat with their hands instead.

I invited an elderly relative to join us, and she hogged the conversation like she has for the many Thanksgivings I have spent with her. I was exhausted the next day, but I still had a lot of cleaning to do.

At first, I wasn’t grateful for either of these situations, but they bothered me so much that I’ve decided—with gritted teeth—to be appreciative. Over the years, I’ve learned that being grateful for all things—good and bad—helps me avoid becoming a bitter old lady. I’d much rather be the positive, vital and wise woman I am today.