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BEACON Senior News - Western Colorado

12 Gestures to make him fall in love all over again

Jan 27, 2020 11:55AM ● By Kimberly Blaker

Glenn and Miki Lewis

Keeping the romance alive in a relationship requires effort. When women feel their romantic relationships becoming stagnant, they often blame the man in their life for not being romantic enough.

However, 44 percent of men say it bothers them “a lot” that their wife or girlfriend isn’t more romantic, according to a study of 80,000 participants by author Chrisanna Northrup. So why not take the first step, and give your honey the romance they’re craving with these tips:

Be spontaneous.

What keeps relationships alive early on is the excitement of spontaneity, which lends itself to discovery about each other and new things.

Porter and Nanci Cooley believe that as long as you’re introducing new things into your relationship, you can keep moving forward.

“When we decide to go somewhere, we don’t make plans until we get there,” said Nanci.

Glenn and Miki fall in love all over again

Glenn and Miki Lewis

Spontaneous travel is also what keeps Glenn and Miki Lewis’ 36-year relationship going strong.

“I was (and still am) excellent at causing my wife to go goofy,” said Glenn. “Sometimes about 10 a.m., I say, ‘Let’s zip over to Glenwood Springs, soak and then have lunch!’”

Miki, in spite of being one who plans at least two days ahead and makes a list of things to do, oftentimes beats Glenn to the car.

So do things on a whim with your partner to awaken the feelings you both felt early on in your relationship.

Write them a love note.

It doesn’t have to be lengthy (although it can be). Just a simple “I love you” or “I can’t wait to spend time with you this weekend” is sure to make their day.

“When Nanci’s up in the morning, she’ll write a note and leave it by the coffee pot and I’ll add to it,” said Porter.

Sue Hughey used to write little reminders of affection for her late husband, Harold. When he’d fall asleep in front of the TV, she’d draw a little heart with “I love you” on it and lay the note on his chest.

When birthdays and anniversaries come around, Nanci will re-use greeting cards with her handwritten, heartfelt note inside.

“I feel the same way every year!” she laughed. And Porter is none the wiser.

Laugh together.

Men love to be funny, so no matter how corny his jokes, genuinely laugh with him. Not only will your laughter boost his ego, but it’s good for your relationship, too.

Numerous studies have found that shared laughter brings couples closer together. Look for opportunities to share laughter with your partner. Watch sitcoms, go to the comedy club, hang out with other fun couples, or just be silly with each other.

The Cooleys find laughter in almost any situation because they’re so connected.

“We have a lot of laughter in our marriage, and we’re still really in tune with each other,” said Nanci. “We love to go get coffee, or go shopping and do some people watching. We like to spend time with friends who make us laugh.”

Physical affection.

Physical affection is one of the five love languages, and there are so many simple ways to show it.

Hold hands when you’re watching TV or when you’re out running errands. Kiss your partner on the cheek. When she’s sitting at the table, walk over and give her a shoulder massage. Pat him on the butt. Walk up from behind and wrap your arms around them.

“He likes it when I put my arm around him or hold his hand,” Nanci said about Porter. “He also likes quality time. That’s his main love language.”

Make his favorite dinner.

The adage goes: A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So go all out and cook his favorite dinner and dessert. Don’t forget the candles, wine and soft music.

Sue Hughey with late husband

Sue Hughey with a photo of her late husband, Harold

Take her on a date.

Plan to do something you both enjoy, or connect through something she loves, even though it may not be your cuppa.

Hughey used to join Harold on the links.

“Almost every time we played golf, my husband commented on how happy he was that I enjoyed the game, too,” she said.

In addition to seasonal activities like riding horseback and traveling, the Cooleys like to dance—and they do regularly.

“When we first got together, we met in Rifle and danced until 2 in the morning,” Porter recalled.

They also find new things they can do together.

“We both learned pickleball,” Nanci said. “There are activities that people can say, ‘We’ve never done this but let’s try it so we can do it together.’”

Pay them a compliment.

Everyone loves a compliment, especially from a significant other. Look for genuine reasons to compliment them, and do it often.

“Nanci is very vibrant and so smart,” said Porter. “She fixes herself up nice when we go out. She always looks like a million bucks.”

Hughey advised, “If he looks good, tell him. If he does a good job of something, tell him.”

Initiate sex.

Men need to feel desired as much as women do, according to a survey conducted by sex researcher and relationship therapist Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D. Make it a practice to come on to your man more often. Hughey used to slip into the shower with Harold and offer to scrub his back.

Give him a gift.

Most men don’t place as much importance on receiving gifts as women do. Still, it can be a very romantic and meaningful gesture when done out of the blue. Look for something he’ll love such as tickets to a game, a favorite movie on DVD, or something useful for his favorite hobby or sport.

“Sometimes we’ll get massages together,” Nanci said. “Porter works really hard, so other times I’ll just schedule him one.”

Give him a massage.

Massage is another way to increase oxytocin and improve the romance in your relationship.

Hughey recommends a foot rub.

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than a good footsie,” she said.

Cuddle with them.

Cuddle with your partner before you fall asleep and when you wake up. It’ll make you both happier and improve your relationship because it releases endorphins, particularly oxytocin—the love hormone.

fall in love all over again

Richard and Joyce Finley

Tell him you love him in a meaningful way.

Joyce Finley constantly thanks her husband, Richard, for the things he does that make her life easier. She’s not shy about telling him he’s the best husband ever and how happy she is that he’s in her life.

If you feel something’s missing in your relationship, don’t wait for the other person to fill the gaps. Speak and act from your heart and get ready for more fun, frolic and romance. Learn to accept your partner’s shortcomings, and love them unconditionally, and you’ll likely see your man’s romantic side shine through.