It's incredibly thoughtful to offer your help to a caregiver, as many people withdraw from families dealing with neurocognitive disorders. 

A stigma surrounds these conditions, leading to isolation for both those diagnosed and their caregivers. Many mistakenly believe that a person with a brain disease has lost their identity or sense of self. While cancer patients are seen as fighting disease, those with neurocognitive disorders are too often perceived as if they’re already “gone.”

Caregivers become isolated, too. The fear of saying the wrong thing can stop people from reaching out. However, supporting them can lighten their load and improve life for everyone involved. Engage with someone living with a neurocognitive disorder like this:

• Avoid open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “How are you today?” try affirming statements like, “It’s nice to see you” or “You look great.” These statements validate their personhood without implying deficiency.

• Reframe how you reminisce. Instead of asking, “Remember when we…?” say, “I remember when we…” If his or her face lights up, continue the conversation. If not, change topics.

• Be patient in group conversations. Multi-person discussions can be difficult to follow, but that doesn’t mean the person doesn’t want to participate. If their response is out of context, avoid reacting with alarm. Acknowledge their contribution and steer the conversation as needed.

When connecting with a caregiver, consider these tips:

• Prioritize their wellbeing. Instead of starting with, “How is your dad doing?” ask how they’re holding up. Caregivers often feel overlooked, and your interest in their health can alleviate loneliness.

• Offer specific help. Friends and family want to know how they can contribute, but it’s not always easy for the caregiver to identify how others can assist. Volunteer for tasks like laundry or household chores, grocery shopping or meal preparation, yard work or house maintenance, providing transportation for appointments or outings, picking up prescriptions or other necessities. 

• Choose words carefully. Avoid saying, “When I saw her the other day, she seemed fine.” While this might sound reassuring, it can feel dismissive of the caregiver’s challenges. Instead, acknowledge their efforts and struggles with empathy. A statement like, “I haven’t been in your shoes, but I can imagine how difficult this must be for you” offers support and understanding.

You may not always know the perfect thing to say, but positivity and empathy go a long way. Offering specific ways to help instead of vague questions can make a real difference for both the caregiver and their loved one.