Be prepared” is the Boy Scout motto. Women are not Boy Scouts, but it’s worth stashing one phrase in your emotional pocket for later: Be prepared for changes you did not see coming.

And since men now have a potency pill to pop whenever they want to prove that performance and aging are compatible, we women can still have willing “active” partners. However, maybe in the next few years, early-morning quickies and rapid arousal will become merely a memory. Dryness may make you feel inadequate but, thank goodness, television commercials haven’t caught this experience yet.

Sure, booklets suggest we can be sexually active throughout life, but they forgot to mention that, with aging, what was once “play” can become work. Propped up for a premenopausal pelvic exam, a physician asks a 40-year-old if she has discomfort during intercourse. Can the doctor be kidding, she wonders?

Same exam, same question, but hot flashes and fading hormones elicit a different response. 

As tissue thins, pleasure-sensitive areas may become painful. Medical texts label the problem as “atrophy with resulting dryness,” but a woman isn’t an anatomy textbook. The situation can take a real hit on your sexual confidence.

Because sex hurts, it’s avoided and a cycle evolves. You’ve heard the expression “use it or lose it.” Well, there’s truth to that. If intercourse is avoided, tissue can become less resilient over time

But suppose the mind is willing and the body isn’t? If the mind is willing to get through the bad times, the body can respond again.

There is also a bigger picture of health to keep in view. Menopause can bring changes throughout the body, from sleep to mood to skin. Breast cysts may fade, but routine self-exams and mammograms are vital. 

But from what I’ve told you, your upstairs won’t be causing the crisis.

Who wants textbook rhetoric reciting the percentage of women who benefit from therapy? What you’ll want is down-to-earth help. 

Talk to your physician about options such as vaginal moisturizers, lubricants and prescription therapies. Low-dose vaginal estrogen, often delivered as a cream, tablet or ring, can help restore tissue and reduce discomfort. The tissue absorbs the estrogen. Will it ever be considered a carcinogenic risk? It might, but for now, the jury has given it a “not guilty.”

Once you re-feel female adequacy, pain should disappear and enjoyable relations may return. 

Your physician cannot read your mind, and many will not bring up sexual pain unless you do. Speak up about this situation and ask for a working solution. If you are determined to ensure pleasure with your partner until older age (which is always 10 years more than you presently are), clue your doctor in on your concerns. 

Intimacy does not have to end because your body changed. And yes, morning quickies might still happen. Even if they do, you may want to set the alarm a little earlier.  ν