Many of us spend our lives working a range of jobs. We build careers, climb ladders and reach for goals. But in hindsight, our most meaningful work often has little to do with a paycheck.

Like many mothers, I worked long hours to provide for my three children. Looking back, I wonder how I made it through those years. I rose at 5:30 a.m. each morning, making breakfast and packing lunches before heading off to work. Evenings were filled with dinner, chores, homework, playtime and comforting tired little souls. By the time I went to bed, it was nearly midnight, only to start again the next day.

How many mothers perform the same routine until their little ones reach adulthood? And yet, when the last child leaves home, many of us feel the ache of that absence just as deeply as we once felt the exhaustion.

Now, one of my daughters is preparing to send her only child off to college. I’ll be there to comfort her, as she bids farewell. What I won’t tell her—because she’ll learn it on her own—is that as a mother, she will always miss her daughter. 

She will learn, as I did, about the moments we wish we could take back: the times we were too busy to listen, too tired to respond with patience or too overwhelmed to handle a child’s worries with the care they deserved. Motherhood can feel impossible and lonely. Some days, our own needs rise above our children’s. Some days, we fall short.

I doubt there’s a mother anywhere who doesn’t carry a little guilt in her purse.

But motherhood isn’t defined by what we missed or messed up. It’s measured by the love we show in what we do.

I remember walking into my grandmother’s bedroom and finding her standing quietly, staring at a photograph of her oldest son, Donald. Tears filled her eyes.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Without looking away, she said, “It’s so difficult to outlive your children. Even though years have passed, I grieve each day and know I should have done a better job.”

I was stunned. “What? You are a fantastic mother! How could you be any better when you are the best?”

She paused, then said softly, “I shouldn’t have argued so much over our Scrabble games.”

It would have been easy to laugh, but she was completely serious. She couldn’t take those feisty moments back, and as harmless as they were, she believed she had failed.

Even when a mother gives nearly everything she has, she often feels she could have done more. That is one of motherhood’s deepest burdens. 

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart or those afraid of loss. It requires strength, faith and a love that keeps giving. It pays nothing, yet offers gifts money can never buy. The worry never ceases. The love never wanes. The prayers for our children never end.

Motherhood is a lifetime commitment with no retirement. It is one of the most essential jobs in the world, bringing happiness, heartache, regret and reward.

When my oldest daughter, Amy, was a freshman in college, she was studying for midterms late one night with a group of girls in her dorm. In the wee hours of the morning, one of them said, “I sure wish I had a pizza.”

Another said, “I sure wish I had a hamburger.”

Amy said, “I sure wish I had Mom’s breakfast.”

“Your mom cooked breakfast?” they asked.

“Every morning before she left for work,” Amy said. 

She later told me that was when she realized what my early alarm had meant all those years.

I came to understand my own mother’s love in much the same way. She made most of my clothes throughout my young life, but it wasn’t until I learned to sew that I understood the effort and skill behind each dress. Many had a special detail—a creative embellishment, a different patterned collar or a pocket that made it extra special.

A mother’s love is not expressed only in words. It is found in bacon frying before sunrise, in a hand-sewn dress and even in sorrow over a contentious Scrabble game. It is found in hard work without pay, love without limits and tears when we wave goodbye.

God’s love shines through a mother’s heart and lights our souls forever.